MYST #6 Tusk

  (Sorry for the lack of photos, it's not letting me for some reason)
  A lot of people hate Kevin Smith.  They hate his sense of humor, they hate his podcasts, they hate his movies, they hate everything about him.  I have always been giving him somewhat of a pass, even though his last few movies have been hit or miss.  Clerks, Chasing Amy, and Dogma are awesome. I found some stuff to like in Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks 2, and Zack and Miri Make a Porno.  Jersey Girl is pretty mediocre, and Cop Out is abysmal, easily his worst film and maybe one of the worst comedies ever made.  I think he realized that his grasp on comedy is starting to slip and he should move on to something else.  That's why I found Red State so intriguing, and while it has major flaws, I still enjoyed it for what it was.  And it made me genuinely excited to see his newest film Tusk.  I couldn't because it came out just as school was starting, so I had to wait until it was available to rent.  I payed 6 bucks to watch it on demand, prepared for the best, and an hour and forty minutes later I was trying to decide whether or not to smash my head into a brick wal repeatedly.

  When a podcaster named Wallace (Justin Long) travels to Canada to interview somebody, he winds up crossing paths with a strange man named Howard Howe (Michael Parks) who wants to tell stories about his life.  The man proceeds to drug Wallace and begins a torturous procedure on him that will end with Wallace being transformed into a walrus.

  If that sounds stupid to you now, it gets stupider when you watch the actual movie.  If you watch the trailers, there are some things that are left out that you need to know in order to understand how strange this film is.  It is a horror/comedy, and I can think of a number of films that know how to effectively blend the two (Shaun of the Dead, The Evil Dead Trilogy, Cabin in the Woods, Scream) to create a fun experience.  Tusk is a slop of two different genres that could blend together well if it was being handled by someone who actually knew what they were doing.  The movie starts out as a comedy, with Wallace and his fellow podcaster Teddy (Haley Joel Osment) watching a video of a kid that they call the Kill Bill Kid (expect a lawsuit from the Star Wars Kid at some point soon) accidentally cut off his own leg.  I thought the kid did that effect at first because it looked so fake.  But when Wallace goes to interview the kid, it turns out that the kid actually has cut off his own leg and has since committed suicide.  It ends up throwing you for such a loop that it completely takes you out of the movie.  And we're only 10 minutes into the movie!

  After Wallace arrives to Howes' house, that's when the movie becomes interesting.  The cinematography manages to convey a sense of mood without being too stylized, and Parks is simply phenomenal.  He manages to go back and forth between being the charming old man with a number of fascinating stories to tell and the psychopath with a sick obsession with walruses very effectively.  And it actually ends up becoming very horrifying, particularly scenes when Walrus attempts to call for help or when the two of them sit down for dinner together.  But just when it seems like the movie is beginning to be worth it, the third act begins.

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  First of all, notice how during that summary of the plot, I forgot to mention that Johnny Depp is in the movie.  And that's because in addition to being completely pointless, he is when the movie begins to spiral downward Hindenberg-style.  His character is a Quebec French detective who has been hunting down Howe for years.  And there are a number of things wrong with this character, but I'll focus on the main three.  1. Depp's accent seems to slip between French, Spanish, Italian, German, and British almost every nanosecond.  2. It's Johnny Depp doing yet another wacky character with a weird accent.  And 3.  He has a flashback scene where he confronts Howe, and Howe seems to be responding to Depp's goofiness in the worst way possible.  The stuff they are saying to each other is not funny, and while I checked the time and saw that the scene lasted somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes, it feels like it's going on for an hour.  It's easily the most cringe-worthy scene I've seen in any film not just this year, but maybe in the past couple.

  And now for the grand finale, the actual walrus.  Howes goes through with the procedure and turns Wallace into a walrus.  At first he is in the dark, so while you can't see him, but you can hear him screaming.  And at first is it genuinely terrifying.  But once the lights come on and you see the walrus, it looks like they just shoved Justin Long into a beanbag that looks like it was stitched together with leftovers from a meat-packing plant.  You can clearly see the seems in the rubber and you are never convinced that he is actually a walrus.

********************************END OF SPOILERS********************************

  So, overall, I'm somewhat conflicted.  As unbelievably god-awful as this film is, I somewhat recommend it.  Mainly because this is such a fascinating failure that I genuinely believe it should be shown in film classes for studying on how not to do a horror movie.  A messy slop of half-thought out ideas,  Tusk is a strong case that maybe Kevin Smith should not be making movies anymore.

I give Tusk 2 out of 10 flippers.

MYST #5 Avengers: Age of Ultron

   This is going to be a longer post than usual.  Mainly because I feel that there is so much to talk about with this movie that I don't feel my usual length can do it justice.  I am a comic person.  I grew up reading comics, almost exclusively Marvel.  I know a lot of these characters by heart.  And I was always hoping that the rest of the world could see these characters for how awesome and interesting they are.  Which is why I was so excited when they announced this whole Marvel Cinematic Universe that they were planning.  Despite being excited, I was also concerned about how they would translate to the screen.  Not just could they keep the spirit of the characters and material intact, but could they also do it to where a normal person could understand it and go with it without just laughing at it.  And they have a very strong track record of doing that so far, and Age of Ultron is no exception.

   Now that the Avengers are all teamed up and comfortable with each other to where they know each other's next moves without having to say them out loud, the next logical step is "Can they stick together, or is having all these different personalities together the worst idea imaginable?".  Tony Stark/Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.) creates a program meant to be a peace-keeper named Ultron (James Spader).  Ultron instead sees humanity as a threat to the evolution of the planet and begins a plan to wipe out all of mankind.  When he teams up with Eastern European orphans with newfound superpowers, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff/Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch(Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen) to enact his dastardly plans, the Avengers must overcome their differences and reteam to stop the ensuing chaos.

  Before I go further into the characters and performances, I'm going to post a series of GIFs so that you can understand the point I am about to make;         




The thing that all of these images have in common that I love is that they feel like you are watching a moving comic book.  The angles, the composition, even the way it's lit, feels like reading a panel in one of those old Stan Lee/Jack Kirby comics from back in the 1960s.  You can tell writer/director Joss Whedon loves these characters and wants to do right by them the best he can, and it really shows, not just in the direction, but also the writing.  And while it isn't completely slavish to the material that it's drawn from (the aforementioned Lee/Kirby comics, in addition to a lot of material being drawn from Mark Millar's "Ultimates" series), it succeeds by getting the soul and spirit of the characters and the comics pitch perfect.  Iron Man is the egotistical billionare with a drinking problem, Captain America (Chris Evans) is the man from another time who is born to be a strong leader, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is the god whose customs do not fit with Earth's, Hulk(Mark Ruffalo) is the Jeckyll and Hyde archetype where Jeckyll is horrified of what Hyde is capable of, Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) is the mysterious assassin with trust issues, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner, whose role in this film will prove the naysayers towards him completely wrong) is the sarcastic archer we all know and love and is pretty much the human heart of the team.  Quicksilver is arrogant and over-protective of his sister, Scarlet Witch, whose powers make her more than a little unhinged.  And while Ultron is created Iron Man instead of Hank Pym/Ant-Man (soon to be played by Michael Douglas), and he's much more snarky than in the comics, they get the Frankenstein's monster aspect of him and his hatred for the Avengers PERFECT.  Every actor brings their A-game to this film and are no doubt helped by the strong writing and great characters.  Which leaves us with one more character I have yet to mention...Vision.

  The Vision comes into being as Ultron creates him in attempt to fight back against the Avengers.  Things don't naturally go according to plan, and Vison ends up teaming with the Avengers.  He knows that even though he is not human, the humans have a reason to exist, and he truly cares about them and wants to save them (even to the point of a very strange romance between him and Scarlet Witch, which I'm secretly hoping they actually go through with in future movies).  At first I was confused as to why they would want Paul Bettany to play him.  He's a great actor and he looks the part, but he had already had a role in the Marvel universe as J.A.R.V.I.S., the artificial assistant to Iron Man.  But once you see the movie you'll understand why.

  Every piece of action in this film is mind-blowingly incredible.  Cinematographer Ben Davis (who also shot Marvel's own "Guardians of the Galaxy) frames every sequence as if it's a work of art.  And the editors do a great job of making sure you can see the action.  And the special effects are beautiful, especially on the Hulk and Ultron.  I almost want to see it again in 2D, because in addition to giving me a headache, which doesn't usually happen with me, I feel like the 3D actually prevented me from seeing some small parts of action that I am still dying to see.  I have heard some people criticizing the movie for having the action go on for too long, but I felt that it was the prefect length, and every fight scene is very well choreographed and shot, with the Hulk vs. Hulkbuster sequence being a particular standout.  And in addition to that, they make sure that you see the team evacuating and saving every civilian possible, even when they are in the middle of a life-threatening situation (the movie feels like it's constantly, not-so-subtlely kicking Man of Steel and the Transformers series in the balls).  But despite all that, the story is still intact.  I almost don't want to talk about that aspect anymore because there are so many great, small reveals about certain characters that makes you root for them that much more.


  Some people are going to complain about the fights going on too long and an overabundance of characters.  I either disagree completely with these points, or I understand where they're coming from, but I'm having so much fun that I just don't care.  This is everything I would want to see not only in an Avengers movie/sequel, but also what I would want to see in a summer blockbuster.  It's funny, it's exciting, it's emotional, it's well-acted, and it pleases the comic fans while keeping casual viewers entertained.  And the ending is pure perfection in my book.  I am not afraid to admit that there some small parts where I felt like I was about to start choking up (in tears of both joy and sadness).  I love this movie, I love where this series is going, and if this really is the last Marvel movie that Joss Whedon directs, he went out on the highest note imaginable.

I give Avengers: Age of Ultron 10 out of 10 vibranium tipped arrows.